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New

Anything new seems fun, wonderful, exciting, fresh.  Like a new pair of jeans, or a new car.  Sometimes new things come with the hard part of getting rid of the old.


Anything new seems fun, wonderful, exciting, fresh.  Like a new pair of jeans, or a new car.  Sometimes new things come with the hard part of getting rid of the old.  We don't like to think about that.  A new house in a new neighborhood means selling the old house and somehow that can feel like you are saying goodbye to old memories, even though you aren't.  I'm going through a season of a lot of new.  I have so many things to look forward to.  New friends, new experiences, learning new things, adventure, and I have been told that I have permission to go after what God is putting on my heart to do.  I am finding though, that doing new things and having new adventures takes a whole lot of courage.  It takes courage to show up to something so unfamiliar and be willing to risk the possibility of being judged, rejected or misunderstood.  I think that is what Brene Brown talks a lot about in Daring Greatly.  I find it so interesting though that I have been here before.  More than once.  I have to have grown in this somehow.  This cannot be the same level of difficulty as when I moved to Florida 8 years ago.  Not knowing a single person.  Yet, it still feels just as hard.  It's probably good that it's just as hard.  Maybe that means I still have a childlikeness or wonder and tenderness to me that hasn't become unfeeling.  


                I'm sure it is very good to keep leaning on Jesus to help me each day try to walk this new path that I am clearing as I go since its never been walked on it before.   It's good to be painfully yet wondrously aware of how not in control of my life I am.  Knowing all the while I have a loving Father who thinks the world of me caring for me every moment of every day.  Delighting when I smile or laugh and concerned when I cry.  Always listening for when I have something to tell Him or ask Him.  Always aware of how desperate I am to know He is there.  His love.  His kindness.  His protection.  His friendship.  His Kingship.  Him.  All of Him.  


                So here is the new.  I am trying to embrace it, even though I'm not even sure yet of all I am embracing.  Things are becoming more and more clear.  It feels slow to me.  It is also helping me appreciate the old.  The familiar.  The traditions.  The sameness.  There's a sweet security to these things.  I know my kids love these things too.  The plates my husband and I got for a wedding gift 20 years ago.  The same white glass dancer that has lived in every home we lived in.  The Birthday balloons that are given each birthday.   I'm so thankful these things tell me that not everything has to leave or die.  Some things don't have to.  The sun still comes up and goes down.  For now, I still grocery shop for 6 people.  We can call our home old because we've lived here for 8 years.  It feels lived in, cozy and secure. 


                  I asked God to make me fully alive.  I'm not sure I knew exactly what I was asking for........I am realizing He is answering that prayer.  He is helping all of me embrace all of life.  Completely.  That means the pain and the joys.  I'm all in.  I'm vulnerable.  Taking risks.  There is so much emotion because I'm not checked out.  I'm not hiding anything.  I'm not numbing the pain.  So I'm so thankful for the new.  Putting my courage clothes on.  Diving in....and I hug the old.   

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